Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
