Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
