I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
