Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
