hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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