Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
