I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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