She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
