i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
