I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
