I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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