Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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