I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Heβs disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
