I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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