Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
