I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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