The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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