i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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