Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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