This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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