omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
