I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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