Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
