I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
