I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
