eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
