i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
