Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
