ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
