I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
