Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do vagina's smell?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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