Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
