That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The police scanner is talking about you again....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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