he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
