when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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