I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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