I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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