So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
