im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
