Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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