just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
