I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
