fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
