I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
