I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
