I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
