I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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