I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't notice because vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
