I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
