3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
