I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
